My Child's Behaviour is getting Worse!

Our Expert Says:
Discipline is part and parcel of parenting. The problem is usually lack of discipline or over-discipline. Both extremes are not good. We need to discipline appropriately and strike a good balance when correcting behaviour.

It is perfectly natural for a three year-old to test your limits as he begins to explore the world around him. To encourage good behaviour, you must correct him firmly when he has done something wrong. Be sure that you are correcting behaviour constructively and not simply because his actions annoy you.

You can try lowering yourself and making eye contact when explaining to him what he has done wrong, why it is wrong and the consequences of the misbehaviour. For example, if he insists on touching a moving fan, tell him that the action is wrong because it will hurt him. Warn him of the consequences – if his behaviour persists, he will be punished.

Here are some forms of punishment that you can consider.

Taking away toys or items that he likes.

Taking away privileges such as watching TV programmes. However, be sure not to overdo it. The punishment must be in proportion to the misbehaviour.

Isolate him for about 5 to 15 minutes to allow him to calm down and reflect on his behaviour.

If his behaviour does not improve, you may wish to implement a combination of punishments.

It can be frustrating for parents to deal with children who are constantly testing the boundaries. But bear in mind this is just a phase. It is important not to lose control of your own emotions. Being emotionally stable and staying in control helps you send out a consistent message to your child to reinforce learning.

You must manage your own anger or you may end up exercising over-discipline and being unreasonable. Saying “no” too often can build resentment and your child may become rebellious.

Finally, remember to reward and praise your child for good behaviour. This goes hand in hand with punishments to help your child differentiate what should and should not be done.

Dr John Ng is the Honorary Chair of Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre (EMCC), a not-for-profit organisation committed to enabling people to lead better lives through its range of services (www.emcc.org.sg). Dr Ng is also the author of Dim Sum Leadership and Smiling Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Managing Conflict Asian Style. The books are available at all leading bookstores.